a time to be born

Four years ago at this time I was in labor with Rowan. I thought I'd continue my time saving device of re-posting stuff and this is her birth story, written a few weeks postpartum.

Her birth was a great one. Very different from my first birth of my son 8 yrs before (this was harder) but still a good birth. It was my first homebirth/waterbirth, and was unassisted--by which I mean there were no health professionals present. The birth process was much longer than with my son. I had false labor a week before she was actually born for a full day. Then I started having contractions one Thursday morning, had them all day, and called friends (who were three hours away) at about midnight to start to my house, as contractions were at four minutes apart. As soon as they got to my house, contractions just fizzled. We all went to bed, thinking they would wake me up as they got strong again and that i needed rest. Woke refreshed and without contractions at 8:30 the next morning (Friday) . Cntrx were off and on all day, at times hard and coming closer together. Everyone left during that day and while they were gone I had great, strong, steady cntrx. Which fizzled away when visitors returned. Had some more good contractions that night. Then I got a good sleep and woke up again without them Saturday morning.

How frustrating!!! Had I been in a hospital I bet I would have been pressured to have some interventions. After all, my first birth (natural, vaginal) was only 18 hours from first bloody show until son was born, with textbook cntrx and progression through stages--10 hours of easy cntrx, six hours of hard work, and two hours of pushing.

I was so frustrated Saturday. I had one internal check with the help of my friend that afternoon...baby had moved way down and I was FINALLY dilated somewhat (though only between three and four--after 2.5 days of off and on cntrx). Everyone left again that afternoon and it finally hit me. I was having good cntrx when me and dh were together and touching each other but not when others were around!!! Duh...of course I should have noticed that by then but just hadn't. So we really worked together during that afternoon, just enjoying our last few hours of togetherness without a baby between us. Lots of massage and holding and sweetness. Just like magic...things really started moving.

My birth pool had been up for a week now and had been filled and emptied about ten times! Finally I got in it about 7 pm. I stayed there until the baby was born at 6 am the next morning.



Labor was very hard. Felt like she was sweeping very sharp fingernails inside my cervix, back and forth. I had a distinct feeling of this sharp swishing as I felt her move. She was still moving a lot even as she descended. I'lll never know but I guess there was some difficulty there...maybe she had her hand up by her face for a long time, or was posterior. Anyway the last five hours were extremely hard. With my son I was zen mama...meditated through transition and never made a sound. Not one. Thought I'd be the same way this time! Not a chance--I was moaning and groaning, very loud. It just felt good. My two girlfriends went to sleep about ten and that's when things really cranked up! I didn't want dh to touch me anymore and I was counting the stars on this Indian mandala tapestry I have, just to get through each cntrx.

I had dh wake my friends at about two, as I was starting to need more support and things were going very fast it seemed (not really). Finally about five am I was feeling very "pushy" and I reached inside (hadn't done that since getting in the pool) and I could feel the bag of waters bulging! As I had my hand there they POPPED like a cork out of a bottle. Everyone said my expression was priceless! After that things got a bit overwhelming. I could feel her head and within half an hour she was crowning. I just didn't feel like I was stretching! I wasn't having the experience I had seen so often in squatting births (I was up on my knees in the pool) where the vagina sort of telescopes or tunnels out as the baby's head is emerging. Instead it felt like I was open about three inches across and I could feel her head pushing down everywhere. I just felt she was way too big and I wasn't opening enough! I was scared for the first time during labor and it hurt like hell and I DID NOT WANT her head to come out! I just really believed I was going to tear from top to bottom. I was crying and saying I couldn't do it (to which my very wise friend said "you *are* doing it" in this awesome calm voice...) and that the baby was too big for me (to which the same friend said, "no, it's just the right size for your body"). There I was in the pool with my hands down there on the head and really making a lot of noise and arrayed in front of me were my two girlfriends and dh, who (poor thing) has never had a baby before and has never seen me say I couldn't do anything!!!

I just remember crying out, "OHH-HH," in this pitieous way to my friend, with this very beseeching look on my face--like take this cup from me! as I was trying to push. That was my most forlorn and desperate moment ever. Then I was feeling the head and those ridges on the top of it from being squeezed in the birth canal, and I actually thought I was feeling the cord! I knew it couldn't get pinched and restrict the baby's oxygen, so I just thought to myself, dammit, just push this baby out and you can get sewn up afterwards--it doesn't matter if you tear, just get this baby here safe! So I pushed like mad and the pain was MANY-HUED but there was the head, out at last! Then I just breathed and waitied for the next contraction, and out came the little slippery body quite easily, as I remembered with ds, and I lifted her above the water.

I still didn't know it was a girl b/c the cord was a bit short and I was holding her so I could only see her back...afraid to turn her over or put her to breast for fear of tugging the cord.The placenta came out with the next cntrx and then I saw that she was a she and put her to the breast and she was pink and so beautiful. I had thought I would call ds (8.5 yrs) in to see the birth but I was so crazy during pushing that i didn't want to. His dad (my ex) was spending the night there at our house to be Jack's special person...so they came in at this point and everything was so happy and wonderful.

Rowan Ts'eh (pronounced "say") was 21 inches, 8lbs. She is named for the Rowan tree, which in pagan lore was the origin of the first woman on earth. Ts'eh is a nickname for a character in Leslie marmon Silko's wonderful book Ceremony. In Pueblo myth, she is the grandmother spider who weaves the world by spinning her web of storytelling.